Anger: Not a negative emotion, but your advocate for change
Summary
Anger is not always the enemy; in fact, it can be a powerful ally. Instead of suppressing it, listen to what your anger is trying to tell you—it may be guiding you towards change, urging you to leave toxic situations, confront deep-seated emotional wounds, or break harmful cycles. Discover how anger is your inner self standing up for your worth, and how channeling it constructively can lead to growth and self-respect.
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You know that tight knot in your chest when someone crosses the line, that burning sensation when you feel wronged? That is not just anger—it is your inner self standing up for you. Anger is your internal alarm, alerting you when something in your life isn’t right. The challenge is, most of us are conditioned to see anger only as a negative emotion. We are taught to calm down, be quiet, and suppress it, but what if we are ignoring an important message?
Just as hunger signals the need for food, anger is a sign that something in your life requires attention, and potentially, change. Whether you’re in a toxic relationship, an unfulfilling job, or battling old habits, anger is there to guide you out of the dysfunction. Once you address the root cause, the anger fades—it s done its job. It is time to embrace anger as a powerful ally in your journey to self-respect and personal growth.
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What does Lord Krishna say about anger in the Bhagavad Gita?
The wisdom of the Bhagavad Gita offers a perspective on anger. According to Lord Krishna, anger is a byproduct of unfulfilled desires. When something obstructs our desires, anger follows. But here is the catch—anger clouds judgment. Krishna advises that unchecked anger leads to confusion, loss of reasoning, and ultimately, disaster.
However, Lord Krishna also emphasises that emotions like anger are natural. The goal is not to eliminate anger, but to control and channel it. Mastering anger, according to the Gita, is part of mastering the self. By recognising when we are driven by ego or desires, we can learn to release those attachments and use that fiery energy for good. It's all about balance—don’t suppress your anger, but don’t let it consume you either.
This spiritual approach offers a solution: Instead of being reactive, be reflective. Take a step back, assess the situation, and ask, "What is this anger telling me?" Often, anger reveals deeper wounds or unmet needs. It’s a signal that something is misaligned, either externally in your relationships or internally in your sense of self-worth. So, instead of seeing anger as a villain, see it as a messenger.
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How is poor parenting fuelling a generation of angry kids?
As a child, anger often feels like the only way to express unmet needs, frustration, or confusion. But what happens when children grow up in environments where their emotions are dismissed, ridiculed, or ignored? It is a recipe for a generation of adults with unresolved anger issues.
Wrong or indifferent parenting—where emotional needs aren't validated, where children are told to "suck it up" or "stop crying"—leaves a lasting impact. These children grow up with two options: suppress their emotions or explode uncontrollably when they can no longer contain them. Neither of these options leads to healthy emotional expression.
A 2018 study from the American Psychological Association revealed that children exposed to high-stress or emotionally neglectful environments are more likely to develop anger issues as adults. These kids grow into adults who are angry at themselves, angry at the world, and often don't know why.
As a society, we need to foster emotional intelligence in children. Rather than dismissing their anger, we should help them understand what it is trying to tell them. Kids should be taught to recognise anger as a valid emotion but also given the tools to express it constructively. Emotional literacy—understanding, expressing, and managing emotions—is key to breaking the cycle of dysfunction.
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Does anger need an outlet? A constructive one?
Ever tried holding in anger? It feels like trying to keep a balloon from popping as you keep blowing air into it. Sooner or later, it bursts—and not in a good way. Anger that has no outlet becomes destructive, not just for the person feeling it, but for everyone around them.
In many ways, anger is like fire. A controlled fire keeps you warm, cooks your food, and lights the way. But when left unchecked, it burns everything down. The same goes for anger—it needs a constructive outlet, whether that’s through conversation, physical activity, or creative expression.
Consider the case of James, a 35-year-old I met during a mental health workshop. James was a top executive in a large firm, but his career was marked by outbursts of anger. He’d lose his temper with colleagues and clients alike, which not only damaged relationships but also his reputation. His anger was a constant presence, and he couldn’t figure out why. Eventually, through therapy, James realised that his anger stemmed from unresolved trauma in his childhood. By learning to express and channel his anger in healthier ways, James was able to not only salvage his career but also repair his relationships.
Statistics back this up too: A study published in The Journal of Clinical Psychology found that people who expressed their anger in healthy ways were 23 percent less likely to suffer from chronic illnesses like heart disease. It is a reminder that pent-up anger isn't just emotionally damaging—it is physically dangerous too.
What can we learn from anecdotes of anger?
It is always easier to relate to real-life stories, isn’t it? Let me share a personal anecdote. I once worked for a company that, at first glance, seemed perfect. The pay was okay , the office was nice, but deep down, I was miserable. I found myself angry at the smallest things—an email from a co-worker, a missed deadline, or an awkward client meeting. It didn’t make sense until I took a step back and realised that the anger was my subconscious telling me something was wrong. I was in the wrong place, doing the wrong work, and ignoring my own needs.
That anger pushed me to leave that job. It wasn’t easy, but once I acknowledged the root of my frustration, the anger subsided. The lesson here? Anger is a compass—it points you toward what’s out of alignment in your life.
Another anecdote comes from Maya, a close friend of mine who endured years in an emotionally abusive relationship.Her partner was manipulative, and over time,Maya’s anger built up, though she initially mistook it for frustration or self-doubt. When she finally decided to leave, it wasn’t just the end of the relationship—it was the start of her reclaiming her self-respect. Her anger had been trying to tell her for years that something was deeply wrong, but she only listened to it after hitting rock bottom.
The point here is that anger is often the first indicator that something in your life needs to change. When we ignore it, we suffer. When we listen, we grow.
Can anger be transformed into something positive?
Absolutely! In fact, many of the world’s greatest movements for change were born from collective anger. The Civil Rights Movement, for instance, was fuelled by the anger of people tired of being oppressed. The same goes for environmental movements, women’s rights, and countless other societal shifts. Anger, when channelled correctly, is a force for progress.
On a personal level, too, anger can be a catalyst for positive change. When you feel angry, instead of lashing out, ask yourself, “What’s the root cause of this? What is my anger trying to tell me?” Once you identify that, you can take constructive action—whether that’s setting boundaries, having a tough conversation, or changing your situation.
One technique that psychologists often recommend is reframing. Instead of seeing anger as a problem, view it as an opportunity. What lesson is this emotion trying to teach you? This shift in perspective can turn anger from something destructive into something that drives you forward.
Why is it important to address the root cause of anger?
One of the biggest misconceptions about anger is that it is the problem. But anger is rarely the problem—it is a symptom. The real issue lies beneath the surface, in unmet needs, unresolved trauma, or unaddressed issues. The anger is simply alerting you to what is wrong.
Consider Sara, another acquaintance of mine who struggled with anger issues for years. She was constantly snapping at her husband, her kids, even her friends. It wasn’t until she sought professional help that she realised her anger wasn’t about them—it was about her unresolved grief from losing her father years earlier in a tragic accident. She had never dealt with that loss, and it manifested as anger in her daily life.
The moment Sara addressed the root cause, her anger started to fade. Not because the loss wasn’t painful anymore, but because she had finally acknowledged it. The same principle applies in our lives. Until we address the underlying issue, the anger will keep resurfacing, like a wound that never quite heals.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
1. Is anger always a bad emotion?
No, anger is not inherently bad. It is a natural emotion that signals something is wrong or that your boundaries have been crossed. It becomes problematic when it's not addressed constructively.
2. Can anger harm my health?
Yes, chronic anger can lead to physical health issues, including high blood pressure, heart disease, and a weakened immune system. It’s essential to find healthy outlets for your anger.
3. How can I control my anger?
Techniques such as mindfulness, deep breathing, journaling, or seeking therapy can help you manage anger. It’s about understanding the root cause and expressing your emotions constructively.
4. Can anger be a sign of depression?
Yes, suppressed anger or irritability is often linked to depression. If you are feeling persistent anger along with other symptoms like sadness or fatigue, it’s essential to seek professional help.
Is it normal to feel guilty about being angry?
Many people feel guilt or shame around anger, especially if they’ve been taught that it’s a “bad” emotion. But anger is a natural response to certain situations. The key is to acknowledge it and find ways to address its underlying cause.
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Anger isn’t just a negative emotion. It is a signal, a guide, and a force for change. Whether you are leaving toxic situations, healing childhood wounds, or advocating for yourself, anger can lead you toward a better, more self-respecting life. Instead of suppressing it, listen to what it is telling you.
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Tushar Mangl writes on mental health, soul food, leisure activities, and a greener, better society. Speaker, author of *Hey Honey Bunch*, *Ardika*, and *I Will Do It.
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