Childhood experiences often leave long-lasting imprints, especially when they involve emotional pain or trauma. If you have ever felt unloved, neglected, or compared unfavorably by your parents, it is crucial to understand: none of that was your fault. In this article, we explore how childhood trauma can carry over into adulthood, how to forgive yourself, and how to begin the healing process. Remember, you are worthy and always have been.
What happened in your childhood wasn't your fault—But why do you still blame yourself?
It is a truth that might be hard to accept: what happened during your childhood wasn’t your fault. The things your parents said or did—their anger, their criticism, the comparisons they made—were never a reflection of your value. But if that is the case, why do so many of us carry the weight of these memories into adulthood, wearing them like heavy chains around our necks?
I have been there too, in the lonely hours when doubt creeps in, asking: Was it me? Could I have done something differently? If you've been asking yourself similar questions, I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and more importantly, that it’s time to forgive yourself. Your worth has never been tied to what was said or done to you.
Also Read: Waiting to be seen: A Journey from childhood loneliness to love
What is childhood trauma, and how does it manifest?
Trauma is tricky. It hides, festering beneath the surface. You may think you have outgrown it, only for it to reappear years later in unexpected ways—like an emotional trigger from a seemingly innocent remark or a sense of shame when you are striving to be perfect.
A 2019 report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found that individuals with adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) are more likely to struggle with mental health issues like anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem as adults. That trauma from childhood often shows up in subtle yet insidious ways—chronic over achievement, fear of failure, or trouble in relationships. It all stems from that deep-seated belief that somehow, you weren’t enough back then.
Why is mental health so important in healing from childhood trauma?
It is no surprise that childhood trauma wreaks havoc on mental health, but why does it matter so much? Because trauma alters the way your brain works. Stress, over time, affects your body’s ability to regulate emotions, forming patterns of overreaction or emotional numbness.
In my experience, understanding the importance of mental health became a turning point. It wasn't just about therapy—it was about daily practices that allowed me to check in with myself. Simple things like mindfulness, meditation (simple deep breathe exercises work too), or journaling offered space to process emotions that I had long buried.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, investing in your mental health can improve your ability to cope with past trauma. Seeking therapy, talking to a mental health professional, or even joining support groups can bring clarity and help untangle the confusing emotions tied to childhood experiences.
Also Read: The child who is not embraced by the village: A story of love, loss, and fire
Why do we struggle to forgive ourselves?
Self-forgiveness is possibly the hardest part of healing. We might forgive others for their transgressions, but when it comes to ourselves, we are often far less kind. It's easy to blame ourselves for things beyond our control. I mean, how many times have you thought, If I had just been better... or If only I had acted differently...?
These thoughts linger because childhood experiences are formative. Psychologists from Psychology Today explain that children's brains are like sponges, absorbing everything—praise, criticism, affection, or the lack of it. When your parents were hard on you, it wasn’t a reflection of you—it was a reflection of them, their insecurities, or their struggles. You were always enough. You were always worthy.
How can you learn to forgive yourself and move on?
Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event; it is a process. Here are some steps you can take to start letting go of the guilt:
Acknowledge the hurt: It is okay to admit that what happened hurt you. Ignoring the pain only gives it more power.
Talk about it: Whether with a therapist or a trusted friend, verbalizing your feelings can lift an enormous burden off your shoulders.
Reframe the narrative: Instead of saying, I wasn’t good enough, try shifting to, I did the best I could as a child.
Practice self-compassion: Imagine how you would treat a friend who went through something similar. Would you blame them, or would you offer understanding? Treat yourself the same way.
Do you need to declutter your emotional baggage?
Let us be real—holding on to emotional clutter is as exhausting as hoarding physical junk. Decluttering emotionally is about letting go of those old beliefs that no longer serve you. The mental baggage we carry from childhood—whether it's feelings of unworthiness, guilt, or resentment—takes up too much space in our hearts.
Practicing emotional decluttering works much like cleaning your physical space. Start by asking yourself: What do I need to release? And yes, this can be difficult, but once you start clearing out those emotional cobwebs, the relief is palpable. One step at a time, let go of the pain that no longer defines you.
What role does spreading greenery play in healing?
It may seem strange at first to talk about planting greenery when discussing emotional healing, but bear with me. Plants have this magical ability to connect us to life’s cycles and rhythms. Every time I nurture a small sapling, I am reminded of growth—the slow, steady kind. It is a symbol, really, of how healing works.
Scientific studies, such as those by Environmental Health Perspectives, have shown that spending time in nature can significantly lower stress and improve mental health. Even just one houseplant can make a difference. It is about creating an environment that encourages growth and healing—both for you and the plant.
Read more about this in my book - I Will Do It
How does decluttering your physical space help your mental well-being?
Clearing out clutter isn’t just about creating a tidy room—it is about crafting a space where your mind can relax. A study published by the Journal of Environmental Psychology found that people who live in cluttered spaces tend to experience higher stress levels. The same goes for emotional clutter. Just as you’d clean out a messy drawer, it’s time to sort through old emotional wounds and gently release them.
In my journey, I found that when my physical space was clearer, my mental fog lifted as well. It wasn’t an overnight fix, but it certainly helped me feel more in control, and a little less burdened.
Why should you learn to set boundaries?
One of the most liberating things you can do is set boundaries—not just with others, but with yourself. This was a lesson I learned the hard way. I let my past dictate how I interacted with the world. I let people cross lines because, deep down, I didn’t believe I was worthy of better treatment.
But boundaries are not just fences—they are acts of self-respect. Learning to say "no" when you need to, or stepping back from situations that trigger old wounds, can be life-changing.
What can you do today to start rewriting your story?
Now that we have unpacked some of the heavy emotional baggage, let us talk about action steps. How can you start rewriting your story?
Daily affirmations: Begin each day by reminding yourself of your worth. You are enough just as you are.
Small changes in self-talk: Notice the way you talk to yourself. Replace criticism with compassion. Instead of “I can’t believe I did that,” try, “I did the best I could in that moment.”
Gratitude journaling: Each day, write down three things you are grateful for. This simple practice rewires your brain to focus on the positive. You don't have to be a great writer to pen thoughts. Just scribble whatever that comes to your mind.
Find a creative outlet: Whether it is gardening, painting, or writing, creativity allows you to express what words cannot.
Seek professional support: There is no shame in getting help. Therapy, coaching, or group support can provide tools for healing that you may not be able to access on your own.
Why do you need to forgive yourself to move forward?
The road to healing from childhood trauma is not a straight line, nor is it a smooth one. Forgiveness is a crucial step in that journey. But remember, forgiving yourself doesn't mean erasing the past. It means acknowledging your pain, letting go of blame, and giving yourself permission to heal.
Reminder: You are worthy of healing
If you have carried childhood wounds into adulthood, it is time to set them down. They do not define you. Your worth is not tied to the pain of your past. You are valuable, and you always have been. Healing takes time, but it starts with one important step—learning to forgive yourself. You can rewrite your story, one page at a time, starting today.
FAQs
How do I know if my childhood trauma is affecting my adult life?
Look for patterns—fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, or trouble maintaining relationships may be signs that unresolved childhood trauma is at play.
Is forgiveness of my parents necessary for healing?
Not necessarily. Forgiving yourself is far more important than forgiving others. Your healing journey is about you.
What are the first steps to overcoming childhood trauma?
How can I incorporate self-care into my healing process?
Why is decluttering important for emotional well-being?
Decluttering your physical and emotional space can reduce stress and create an environment more conducive to healing.
Author
Tushar Mangl is a counsellor, speaker, and author of The Avenging Act and Hey Honey Bunch. He writes on topics related to mental health, Vastu, and the art of balanced living. Passionate about creating a greener society, Tushar strives to help others heal and live harmoniously.
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