Skip to main content

The introvert me

Excerpt from the Diary of Tushar Mangl Tuesday, June 12, 2007, 10:15 AM

This entry delves into the inner turmoil of being an introvert, the challenges of communication, and the writer’s quest for self-understanding amidst societal judgments.

"Tell me what's on your mind?" she asked.
I replied, "Nothing."
"Why do you have to be so introverted?" she shouted, exasperated.
"Why do you keep everything inside you? You know what... it kills!"
I responded, "It already has."


The Introvert Me

One of the many burdens I carry is my introversion—something I cannot change. How can one alter their very core? This is the paradox of my life. I have always viewed communication as a powerful tool to address countless problems in life. I’ve written extensively about it, received varied feedback on my communication skills, and even garnered praise for my writing. Yet, here I stand, realizing that my introversion has cast a shadow over my future.

Introverts struggle to express themselves effectively. Reflecting on my solitary life, everything seems so challenging, and dreams remain hazy. In every test of life, I failed, simply because I couldn’t communicate. Even when someone praised my writing, I didn’t feel elated. Instead, I would wonder why I only wrote 20 percent of what was truly in my mind.

Perhaps I am as difficult as many have pointed out. But no one is born difficult. Is there an explanation for this? I have never been able to answer the countless criticisms I have faced. Then there’s the perception of ego. People assume it’s there, but I have no response to their assumptions. I am simply shy.

Someone once advised me to change. But why should I? God made me this way. If his will is for me to suffer, then so be it. Whenever the worst happens, I wonder when it will end. The silent sufferings, the yearning to reach out, and the only answer I hear is ‘death.’ I was born to suffer and will die suffering. Despite trying innumerable times to overcome this deficiency, I remain an introvert. They say I’m egoistic, that I lead a lonely life, and that I am destined to endure this pain.

-------------------------------------------------------

What's Happening?

Life is good. At least it looks good. I am residing in the capital region of India these days and its turning out to be a good ride.

Back home Punjab is a wealthy state. Here the glamor of money is different. Its like India was never a poor country.
I miss writing. Really do. Shifting here has paused development of all my upcoming books. And it makes me very sad. Soon however a new book would be launched. I am scraping away time and collecting my focus. Spring motivates you to write like nothing else. I wrote both The Thakur Boy and The Avenging Act in spring of 2007 and the weather always makes me yearn to write more.

Food here is awesome and I have rediscovered the foodie in me.

First Published on 30/03/2015 17:11

Subscribe to Tushar Mangl's YouTube Channel for more reflections, insights, and motivational talks.

About Tushar Mangl: Tushar Mangl is an healer, counselor, and author who writes on business, investments, personal finance, Vastu, mental health, food, leisure, and creating a greener, better society. He is the author of Ardika and I Will Do It.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Also read

Does India need communal parties?

I think, it was Tan's post on this blog itself, Republic Day Event, where this question was raised. My answer. YES. we need communal parties even in Independent, Secular India. Now let me take you, back to events before 1947. When India was a colony of the British Empire. The congress party, in its attempt to gain momentum for the independence movement, heavily used Hinduism, an example of which is the famous Ganesh Utsav held in Mumbai every year. Who complains? No one. But at that time, due to various policies of the congress, Muslims started feeling alienated. Jinnah, in these times, got stubborn over the need of Pakistan and he did find a lot of supporters. Congress, up till late 1940's never got bothered by it. And why should we? Who complains? No one. But there were repercussions. The way people were butchered and slaughtered during that brief time when India got partitioned, was even worse than a civil war scenario. All in the name of religion. And there indeed was cr...
40 comments
Read more

Union Budget India 2026-2027: 12 shocking truths that affect your wallet and future

The Union Budget India 2026-2027 is more than numbers on paper. It’s a mirror of promises, propaganda, and practical policies. This article breaks down what’s truly useful for you—jobs, taxes, inflation, and infrastructure—while cutting through the noise. Think of it as a friendly guide that explains the budget like a story, not a spreadsheet. Why does the Union Budget India 2026-2027 matter to you? India’s fiscal deficit for 2026–27 is pegged at nearly ₹17 lakh crore, while interest payments alone consume over ₹14 lakh crore. This means most of what the government borrows is not funding new projects but servicing old debt—a cycle that resembles “evergreening” of loans. Despite record tax collections, a large share is swallowed by debt servicing rather than fresh development. Breaking Down the Numbers Fiscal Deficit (FY27) : ₹16.95 lakh crore, or 4.3% of GDP . Interest Payments : Over ₹14 lakh crore, making it the single largest expenditure item. Total Expenditure : Around ₹53....
Post a Comment
Read more

Debate : Do the ends justify the means...

Note : Give it all a fair thought before you jot down... Flaming and religion-bashing will not be tolerated. Your participation is gladly appreciated. I dunno if you folks remember this incident; a couple of yrs back, the UPSC exam had a question where the emainee had to assert his views on *revolutionary terrorism* initiated by Bhagat Singh. As is typical of the government, hue and cry was not far behind... Anyway, let us look at some facts -   Bhagat Singh was an atheist, considered to be one of the earliest Marxist in India and in line with hi thinking, he renamed the Hindustan Republican Party and called it the Hindustan Socialist Revolutionary Party. Bhagat Finally, awaiting his own execution for the murder of Saunders, Bhagat Singh at the young age of 24 studied Marxism thoroughly and wrote a profound pamphlet “Why I am an Atheist.” which is an ideological statement in itself. The circumstances of his death and execution are worth recounting. Although, Bhagat Singh had a...
30 comments
Read more