Skip to main content

The introvert me

Excerpt from the Diary of Tushar Mangl Tuesday, June 12, 2007, 10:15 AM

This entry delves into the inner turmoil of being an introvert, the challenges of communication, and the writer’s quest for self-understanding amidst societal judgments.

"Tell me what's on your mind?" she asked.
I replied, "Nothing."
"Why do you have to be so introverted?" she shouted, exasperated.
"Why do you keep everything inside you? You know what... it kills!"
I responded, "It already has."


The Introvert Me

One of the many burdens I carry is my introversion—something I cannot change. How can one alter their very core? This is the paradox of my life. I have always viewed communication as a powerful tool to address countless problems in life. I’ve written extensively about it, received varied feedback on my communication skills, and even garnered praise for my writing. Yet, here I stand, realizing that my introversion has cast a shadow over my future.

Introverts struggle to express themselves effectively. Reflecting on my solitary life, everything seems so challenging, and dreams remain hazy. In every test of life, I failed, simply because I couldn’t communicate. Even when someone praised my writing, I didn’t feel elated. Instead, I would wonder why I only wrote 20 percent of what was truly in my mind.

Perhaps I am as difficult as many have pointed out. But no one is born difficult. Is there an explanation for this? I have never been able to answer the countless criticisms I have faced. Then there’s the perception of ego. People assume it’s there, but I have no response to their assumptions. I am simply shy.

Someone once advised me to change. But why should I? God made me this way. If his will is for me to suffer, then so be it. Whenever the worst happens, I wonder when it will end. The silent sufferings, the yearning to reach out, and the only answer I hear is ‘death.’ I was born to suffer and will die suffering. Despite trying innumerable times to overcome this deficiency, I remain an introvert. They say I’m egoistic, that I lead a lonely life, and that I am destined to endure this pain.


Subscribe to Tushar Mangl's YouTube Channel for more reflections, insights, and motivational talks.


About Tushar Mangl: Tushar Mangl is an healer, counselor, and author who writes on business, investments, personal finance, Vastu, mental health, food, leisure, and creating a greener, better society. He is the author of Ardika and I Will Do It.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cutting people off isn’t strength—It is a trauma response

Your ability to cut people off and self-isolate is not a skill you should be proud of—It is a trauma response Cutting people off and self-isolating may feel like a protective shield, but it is often rooted in unresolved or unhealed trauma and an inability to depend on others. While these behaviors seem like self-preservation, they end up reinforcing isolation and blocking meaningful connections. Confronting these patterns, seeking therapy, and nurturing supportive relationships can help break this unhealthy cycle. Plus, a simple act like planting a jasmine plant can symbolise the start of your journey towards emotional healing. Why do we cut people off and isolate? If you’re someone who prides themselves on “cutting people off” or keeping a tight circle, you might believe it’s a skill—a way to protect yourself from betrayal, hurt, or unnecessary drama. I get it. I’ve been there, too. But here’s the thing: this ability to isolate yourself is not as empowering as it may seem. In fact, i...

Epitome of Equality

First of all This is not to demean any religion.. I am a Hindu by birth, but yes I respect all religions .I offer my daily prayers , fast on holy days , but there was something that was disturbing me . God as per me was a Friend, someone who was by my side always , someone who was a dear friend , but this is not what everyone else thought , for others he was the Judge who gives his verdict always and punishes anyone and everyone . Walk into any temple and you would see , if you have money , you will be treated in a way as if you are the ONLY disciple of the God . I have had too many experiences where I was treated as a second class citizen in the temple . Why? Well I could not afford giving thousands as donation. This is not how it should be , God looks at each one of us with the same divinity .As I mentioned God for me is a friend, so tell me, do we chose friends based on their bank balances? Do we give our verdict on them ? then how can God do it? I know many of us would ...

Does India need communal parties?

I think, it was Tan's post on this blog itself, Republic Day Event, where this question was raised. My answer. YES. we need communal parties even in Independent, Secular India. Now let me take you, back to events before 1947. When India was a colony of the British Empire. The congress party, in its attempt to gain momentum for the independence movement, heavily used Hinduism, an example of which is the famous Ganesh Utsav held in Mumbai every year. Who complains? No one. But at that time, due to various policies of the congress, Muslims started feeling alienated. Jinnah, in these times, got stubborn over the need of Pakistan and he did find a lot of supporters. Congress, up till late 1940's never got bothered by it. And why should we? Who complains? No one. But there were repercussions. The way people were butchered and slaughtered during that brief time when India got partitioned, was even worse than a civil war scenario. All in the name of religion. And there indeed was cr...