This article explores the profound question of whether one's feelings are rooted in genuine love or a response to emotional voids. Through personal anecdotes, psychological insights, and reflective questions, it offers guidance on recognizing trauma bonds, understanding the importance of self-love, and embarking on a healing journey.
Love or loneliness? How to tell if you are really in love or filling an emotional void
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What Does It Mean to Be in Love Versus Filling an Emotional Void?
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Is Your Desire Rooted in Loneliness or Healing?
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How Can You Check Your Aura and Inner Child?
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Why Should You Hug a Tree and Cleanse Your Energy?
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Are Past Unresolved Traumas Influencing Your Relationships?
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Why Is Self-Love Crucial Before Loving Others?
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Do You Desire Intimacy or Just Fear Being Alone?
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Are You Following the Herd Mentality in Relationships?
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What Are the Signs of a Trauma Bond Versus True Love?
What does it mean to be in love versus filling an emotional void?
Love is often romanticized as a magical feeling that sweeps us off our feet. However, it is essential to discern whether our emotions stem from genuine affection or a need to fill an emotional void. When we're in love, we appreciate our partner's individuality, support their growth, and share mutual respect. Conversely, filling an emotional void might involve seeking someone to complete us, alleviate loneliness, or distract from personal issues.
Signs you are in love:
You value your partner's happiness as much as your own.
There's mutual trust and respect.
You support each other's personal growth.
Signs you are filling a void:
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You fear being alone more than you value the relationship.
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Your self-worth depends on your partner's validation.
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You overlook red flags to avoid loneliness.
Understanding these distinctions can lead to healthier relationships and personal well-being.
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Is your desire rooted in loneliness or healing?
Desire can be a complex emotion, influenced by various factors, including past experiences and current emotional states. When desire stems from loneliness, it often seeks immediate gratification to mask deeper feelings of emptiness. In contrast, desire rooted in healing focuses on building meaningful connections that foster growth and mutual understanding.
Indicators of desire from loneliness:
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Rushing into relationships without knowing the person well.
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Feeling anxious when not in a relationship.
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Using relationships to distract from personal issues.
Indicators of desire from healing:
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Taking time to understand and connect with potential partners.
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Feeling content alone but open to companionship.
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Seeking relationships that align with personal values and goals
Reflecting on the root of your desires can guide you toward healthier relationship choices.
Also read: What is karmic debt? How to clear it for a successful life
How can you check your aura and inner child?
Our aura represents our energy field, while the inner child embodies our past experiences and emotions. Checking in with both can provide insights into our emotional well-being and relationship patterns.
Steps to check your aura:
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Mindfulness meditation: Sit quietly, focusing on your breath, and observe any sensations or emotions that arise.
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Energy scanning: Visualize scanning your body from head to toe, noting any areas of tension or discomfort.
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Journaling: Write down your feelings and thoughts to identify recurring patterns or concerns.
Connecting with your inner child:
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Recall childhood memories and emotions.
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Identify unmet needs or traumas from your past.
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Engage in activities you enjoyed as a child to foster joy and healing.
Regularly checking in with your aura and inner child can promote self-awareness and emotional balance.
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Why should you hug a tree and cleanse your energy?
Nature has a profound impact on our mental and emotional health. Engaging with nature, like hugging a tree, can ground us, reduce stress, and cleanse our energy.
Benefits of hugging a tree:
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Grounding: Trees are rooted in the earth, symbolizing stability. Hugging them can help us feel more grounded.
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Stress reduction: Physical contact with nature can lower cortisol levels, reducing stress.
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Energy cleansing: Trees can absorb negative energies, promoting emotional balance.
Other energy cleansing practices:
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Smudging: Burning sage,cloves or camphor to cleanse spaces and auras.
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Salt baths: Soaking in saltwater can draw out negative energies.
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Sound therapy: Using sound frequencies to balance energy fields.
Incorporating these practices into your routine can enhance emotional well-being and clarity.
Are past unresolved traumas influencing your relationships?
Unresolved traumas can significantly impact our relationships, often leading to patterns of fear, avoidance, or dependency. Recognizing and addressing these traumas is crucial for healthy connections.
Signs of trauma influencing relationships:
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Fear of abandonment or rejection.
Let’s pause and be brutally honest—are you dating your partner, or are you unconsciously trying to heal your parents?
It took me years to see that my neediness in relationships wasn’t just about wanting love. It was about trying to rewrite my childhood, where I never felt enough. Every fight with a partner mirrored the fights I had as a kid—only this time, I was desperate for a different ending. That’s trauma. And that’s what trauma does—it doesn’t whisper; it reenacts.
Unresolved trauma is sneaky. It hides in your preferences, your boundaries (or lack thereof), and the kind of love you chase. Sometimes, it shows up as intense jealousy, a fear of abandonment, or the tendency to over-give just to feel needed. Maybe you attract emotionally unavailable people, and deep down, you think if I can just make them stay, I’ll finally be lovable. That’s not love—it’s survival mode wearing a romantic outfit.
For Gen Z, we are the therapy-generation for a reason. We grew up watching dysfunction. Divorce rates peaked. Mental health was stigmatised. Love was often conditional. So when we fall in love now, we often carry bags we never packed. And we don’t even realise it.
A study by the American Psychological Association found that unresolved childhood trauma significantly increases the likelihood of developing insecure attachment styles in adult relationships. It’s not your fault—but it is your responsibility to heal.
Here’s the thing: You can’t love clearly through a fog of unhealed pain. If your trauma is still in the driver’s seat, your relationships will be bumpy, no matter how good the person beside you is. You’ll either sabotage it, smother it, or settle in it—anything but let it flow freely.
So how do you start to heal?
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Name it: Journaling can help uncover where your behaviours began. Trace the fear. Give it a name.
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Therapy isn’t weakness: It’s self-defence against repeating emotional patterns.
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Recognise your triggers: Not to avoid them, but to understand what they’re trying to tell you.
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Don’t trauma-bond: Find partners who see you, not just fix you.
And most importantly, remember this: Healing your past is the most romantic thing you can do for your future. Because when you’re no longer loving to fix what’s broken, you finally get to love for real.
Why is self-love crucial before loving others?
Self-love forms the cornerstone of every meaningful relationship. In my own journey, I discovered that loving myself is not an act of vanity but rather an essential form of respect. When you appreciate your own worth, you create a foundation on which true connections can flourish. Self-love is about acknowledging your strengths, forgiving your mistakes, and truly accepting yourself with every scar and every flaw. This acceptance helps you set healthy boundaries and avoid falling into relationships that merely serve as bandages for unmet needs.
Understanding that you are complete on your own allows you to approach relationships with authenticity. It was only after I embraced self-love that I noticed a shift in the way I related to others. I stopped seeking validation from every relationship that entered my life, and instead, began nurturing healthy interactions. Research shows that individuals with a strong sense of self are more likely to establish lasting, positive relationships. A study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology highlighted that self-compassion contributes to emotional resilience and a more balanced approach to intimacy.
Moreover, self-love encourages personal growth. When you are kind to yourself, you give yourself permission to evolve without being overly self-critical. This means that your partner is not expected to be the fixer of your insecurities, but rather, you both can support each other’s growth on equal footing. Practicing self-love might involve daily affirmations, indulging in hobbies that bring joy, or simply spending time in reflection. Embracing self-love equips you with the understanding that true affection should never come at the cost of your personal well-being.
Self-love also acts as a safeguard against toxic relationships. When you are in tune with your worth, you can quickly recognise patterns that are harmful and avoid repeating them. It is a transformative process that encourages a shift from seeking external validation to appreciating your inner beauty. Through self-love, you create an inner reserve of confidence, ensuring that every relationship you build is genuine, fulfilling, and mutually enriching.
Do you desire intimacy or just fear being alone?
The yearning for companionship is a universal desire, but there is an important nuance that distinguishes genuine intimacy from the mere fear of solitude. I have often found myself questioning whether I’m pursuing closeness for the sheer joy of connection or simply trying to escape an overwhelming loneliness. This introspection is crucial because the motivations behind our relationships dramatically shape our emotional experiences.
True intimacy is built on the foundations of vulnerability and open communication. It’s not just about physical closeness, but also about connecting on a soul-deep level where both partners feel seen and understood. When you are seeking genuine intimacy, you are ready to share your highs and lows, knowing that someone is willing to stand by you through thick and thin. On the other hand, if your actions are driven by the fear of being alone, you might find yourself settling for less than you deserve, remaining in relationships that may not provide the support or recognition you truly need.
I recall moments when the mere thought of solitude sent me into a frenzy. In those times, the rush to be with someone else wasn’t about celebrating shared experiences but about filling an internal gap—a void born from self-doubt and past wounds. Statistics suggest that nearly 60% of individuals report entering relationships primarily to avoid the discomfort of loneliness, rather than for mutual growth. This alarming figure underscores the importance of distinguishing between the comfort of familiarity and the security of genuine, heartfelt connection.
Furthermore, the desire for intimacy and the fear of being alone can coexist, creating complicated dynamics in relationships. It is essential to reflect on your core motivations by asking yourself honest questions like, “Am I looking for a partner to complete me, or am I seeking a companion to share the journey of life?” Embracing solitude for a while might reveal that you are more than enough, with or without a partner by your side. Such self-assurance not only elevates your mood but also sets the stage for healthier relationships in the future.
Taking the time to explore your feelings can transform how you approach future relationships. Real intimacy will only flourish when you are emotionally secure and content with yourself. When you learn to value your own company, the fear of being alone diminishes, paving the way for relationships that are based on mutual respect and authentic connection.
Are you following the herd mentality in relationships?
In a world driven by social media and the perpetual buzz of collective opinions, it is easy to fall into the trap of following the herd, especially when it comes to relationships. I have seen friends mirroring the choices of those around us, sometimes sacrificing our authenticity for the sake of fitting in. But what does it mean when we allow societal expectations to dictate our love lives? Are we truly choosing what’s best for us, or merely emulating what everyone else seems to be doing?
Following the herd mentality can lead to a series of missed opportunities for genuine connection and personal growth. Social validation is a powerful motivator. When the world around you is consistently telling you that being in a relationship is synonymous with success or happiness, it's easy to believe that being single is a deficiency. However, this mindset can result in hasty decisions—getting into a relationship just because it seems like the right thing to do in the moment, rather than because it genuinely nurtures your soul.
When we allow external pressures to guide our relationship choices, we often overlook our unique needs and desires. Rather than seeking a partner who complements our individuality, we might settle for someone who fits into a socially acceptable mould, even if that person isn’t truly right for us. I’ve learned that the most fulfilling relationships are those built on authenticity and mutual understanding, not on the expectation to conform to what society deems normal.
Another aspect to consider is that everyone’s emotional journey is distinct. Just because your peers have found love in a particular way doesn’t mean that your path must be the same. In fact, research in social psychology indicates that individuals who make independent choices tend to experience higher satisfaction in their relationships. When you listen to your inner voice rather than the crowd, you set the stage for a deeper, more resilient bond.
It’s important to take time out for self-reflection and ask, “Am I truly happy with this choice, or am I simply following the crowd?” By acknowledging your uniqueness and honouring your individual needs, you can rise above the herd mentality. Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all solution in love. Your journey is personal, and the relationships that stand the test of time are those that honour your genuine self rather than a trend.
What are the signs of a trauma bond versus true love?
The distinction between a trauma bond and true love can be both subtle and profound. Throughout my experiences and those shared by close friends, I have come to appreciate that not all attachments are equal. A trauma bond can feel incredibly intense, often magnifying emotions and creating a dependency that is rooted not in mutual respect, but in shared pain and tumultuous dynamics.
Trauma bonds often develop in environments where emotional highs and lows are a constant, creating an addictive cycle of conflict and reconciliation. The evidence of such bonds can be startling: a consistent pattern of sacrificing personal well-being to maintain the relationship, a fear of separation that borders on obsession, and a deep-seated belief that you cannot live without the other person. These bonds can sometimes masquerade as passion, and it takes careful introspection to recognise that they might be more about filling an internal void than about genuine love.
On the contrary, true love is a sanctuary where vulnerability is met with unconditional support and understanding. True love celebrates growth, acknowledges imperfections, and transforms challenges into opportunities for deeper connection. When you are truly in love, there is a natural ebb and flow of emotions that does not deviate into extremes. You trust that even in moments of disagreement or misunderstanding, your connection is secure.
I remember a turbulent chapter in my own life when the relationship I was in exhibited classic signs of a trauma bond. Every disagreement left me emotionally raw, yet the temporary reconciliations felt like the only proof of our love. In hindsight, I see that those cycles were less about building a healthy partnership and more about the familiar comfort of shared pain. Studies suggest that trauma bonds can develop as a subconscious attempt to recreate unresolved childhood dynamics, with individuals clinging to what is known even when it is deeply unhealthy.
Being mindful of these signs is crucial. Ask yourself: Does this relationship nurture my spirit, or does it leave me feeling perpetually drained? Are the challenges we face opportunities to grow together, or are they repetitive cycles of anguish? Learning to differentiate between these two types of bonds can be liberating, allowing you to break free from harmful patterns and move towards relationships that are built on trust, respect, and genuine affection.
How can journaling help understand your needs?
Journaling has been a transformative tool through which I have untangled the complexities of my emotions and discovered the authentic needs within me. At first, the idea of putting my thoughts onto paper felt daunting, but soon I realised that journaling provided a safe space to confront my fears, acknowledge my joys, and make sense of the often overwhelming landscape of love and longing.
When you journal, you engage in a dialogue with yourself. This process allows you to articulate the difference between transient emotions and deep-seated needs. I’ve written countless entries where I asked, “What do I actually need right now?” and through the honest exploration of my feelings, I uncovered patterns that were previously hidden in the chaos of daily life. Journaling becomes a mirror—reflecting not only your surface emotions but also the underlying issues that may have roots in past traumas or unmet desires.
Many studies have highlighted the therapeutic benefits of journaling. Researchers in mental health advocate it as a method to reduce stress, boost emotional clarity, and improve overall well-being. In my personal experience, journaling has been a steady guide, allowing me to track my emotional evolution over time. You can use your journal to record triggers, reflect on your interactions, and even list small victories in self-healing. This practice not only builds self-awareness but also highlights progress, no matter how gradual.
By embracing the habit of journaling, you empower yourself to control your narrative rather than letting external circumstances dictate your emotional responses. It is a form of personal therapy where every word penned is a step towards understanding who you truly are. As you write, you learn to differentiate between the voids you seek to fill and the genuine connections that nourish your soul. Plus, revisiting past entries can be both a humbling and enlightening experience, reinforcing how far you have come and inspiring you to continue on your journey of growth.
For anyone grappling with the complexities of love—whether you are distinguishing trauma bonds from true love or questioning if your heart is yearning out of loneliness—journaling offers clarity. It provides that intimate space where raw emotion meets thoughtful reflection. The simple act of writing becomes a powerful tool for healing and a stepping stone towards cultivating relationships based on genuine, heartfelt understanding.
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What role do anecdotes play in recognising emotional patterns?
Sometimes, stories help us understand truths that data never could. I remember one night, sitting on my balcony, reading a friend's text that said: "I don’t know if I love him or if I’m just afraid to start over." That sentence hit me in my core. Because I’d thought the same thing before. Stories—ours and others'—hold up a mirror. They help us see ourselves more clearly.
Emotional patterns are often hard to spot from within. We are living them, after all. But hearing someone else describe a toxic loop you didn’t even know had a name? That is what helps snap you out of denial. It’s like finding the missing piece of a puzzle you didn’t know you were assembling. That’s why real-life anecdotes are so powerful. They help us connect the dots in ways that theory or advice alone simply can't.
In fact, trauma experts often recommend sharing personal stories in safe spaces, because verbalising our emotional experiences helps us process, reflect, and heal. Anecdotes trigger empathy, a sense of “wait, I’ve felt that too,” and that moment of emotional recognition is key to awakening self-awareness. It might be a line in a TikTok video, a meme you relate to way too much, or a friend’s overshare during a 3 AM heart-to-heart—each one becomes a stepping stone toward emotional clarity.
Gen Z and Millennials have taken this to another level. We are the "oversharing" generations, the ones who turned trauma into tweetable threads and self-discovery into Instagram reels. But it's not performative—it's survival. It is connection. And often, it is exactly how we realise that what we thought was love might actually be a pattern we inherited or a response we have normalised.
If you have ever cried reading a stranger’s caption or felt seen by a five-second TikTok, that’s not accidental but emotional resonance. Anecdotes remind us we’re not alone, and in recognising ourselves in others, we begin to rewrite our own emotional scripts.
How do societal pressures affect your relationship choices?
Let us be real: society loudly defines what “successful love” should look like. You're supposed to fall in love by 25, get engaged by 28, and have your life Insta-perfect by 30. If not, people ask you, “So, seeing anyone?” like it’s a health check-up.
This pressure—be it cultural, familial, or through influencer-fuelled algorithms—can quietly twist our motivations. You’re not always seeking love; sometimes, you are just trying not to be left behind. That fear of “missing out” leads us to jump into relationships for the wrong reasons. Especially for Millennials and Gen Z, who already feel the crushing pressure of financial insecurity and purpose-seeking, romantic success becomes another checkbox we scramble to tick.
Worse, this pressure can make us stay in relationships that aren’t right. You think, “Well, it’s been three years, and we post cute pictures… breaking up now would be a failure, right?” No. Staying somewhere that no longer serves your growth is the real loss. But it’s hard to see that when you’re stuck in a performance of love—doing it for likes, approval, or comfort.
The way relationships are marketed to us is also part of the trap. Look at any rom-com or dating reality show: the message is that “love” solves everything. But real love isn’t aesthetic. It’s raw. It challenges you. It grows with you. And sometimes, it requires letting go of what looks good from the outside to honour what feels right inside.
So ask yourself: Who are you trying to impress? Who are you afraid to disappoint? Because if the answer isn’t you, then you may be building a life on borrowed definitions. It’s only a matter of time before it collapses under the weight of inauthenticity.
Can therapy help in differentiating love from emotional dependency?
I will be honest—therapy saved me. It saved my relationships too. Not by telling me what to do, but by helping me understand why I was doing what I was doing. Emotional dependency can feel like love when you’ve never known anything else. But love based on need isn’t the same as love based on choice.
A good therapist can help you identify patterns you inherited from childhood, like feeling unworthy of love unless you’re constantly proving yourself. They can help you understand attachment styles—whether you cling, avoid, or swing between the two. The “ride or die” mindset isn’t loyalty, it is trauma.
Therapy provides tools. You learn how to set boundaries, communicate needs, and distinguish between healthy compromise and emotional self-erasure. It is a space where you can unpack that emotionally unavailable partner you keep returning to and ask, “What am I trying to heal through this person?”
Therapy isn’t just for when things fall apart. It is for when you want to build better. It’s an act of love—not only for yourself but for the people you want to show up better for. You are saying, “I want to be aware. I want to choose my relationships from a place of clarity, not crisis.”
Millennials are breaking the stigma around therapy. If you are unsure whether you are in love or just stuck in a loop, therapy might be your mirror, your map, and your guide.
What are the steps to heal and foster genuine connections?
Healing isn’t linear, and there’s no 5-step life hack to building perfect relationships. But there is a process. One rooted in patience, intention, and self-respect. Here’s what I’ve learned from years of journaling, therapy, and stumbling my way toward better love:
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Start with yourself: Heal your wounds. Validate your inner child. Stop looking for someone else to rescue you from your own past.
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Define love on your terms: Strip away the filters, reels, and expectations. What feels like love to you? What hurts like fear?
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Practice vulnerability: Being real is scary. But it’s the only way to form genuine bonds. Let people see you, not just your highlight reel.
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Say no when it is not aligned: Stop settling. If it costs your peace, it's too expensive.
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Stay curious, not complacent: Keep growing, learning, and evolving—alone or together. Relationships thrive in motion, not in stagnation.
Remember: healing isn't about becoming “ready” for love. It is about becoming so whole that when love comes, it adds to your life—not fills a gap in it.
How can you cultivate a relationship based on mutual respect and love?
This is the love story that matters most. Not the one with fireworks or Instagram proposals—but the one that feels like safety. Like home. Where you can exhale.
Mutual respect means no one’s growth gets sacrificed for the other. It is about celebrating differences and creating a space where both people feel heard, honoured, and free. Love like this isn't performative. It's quiet. Solid. It shows up in the everyday—how they speak to you when they’re upset, how they respect your boundaries, how they hold you when the world feels too loud.
To build this kind of connection, you need communication without fear, accountability without shame, and love without possession. It’s not about finding “the one” who completes you—it’s about becoming the one who shows up whole.
And when you do find that person? You will know. Not because it’s intense or chaotic, but because it’s peaceful. Grounding. Like coming home to yourself, in the presence of someone else.
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So… Are you in love or just filling a void?
It is a haunting question, isn’t it? One that whispers in the silence after a fight. One that echoes when you’re cuddled next to someone who still makes you feel alone.
The truth is, if you’ve asked the question, you are already awakening. You are starting to see love not as a drug to numb pain but as a mirror to your healing. You are learning that relationships don’t fix your brokenness—they reflect it. And that’s a beautiful thing. Because now, you have a choice.
You can choose love that builds, not binds. You can love yourself so deeply that your standards rise. You can walk away from what wounds you and walk toward what restores you.
This is not the end of your love story. It is the rebirth.
💬 FAQs: Emotional void, trauma bond, and true love
1. What’s the biggest sign that I’m filling a void, not truly in love?
2. How can I tell if it is a trauma bond?
3. Can healing from trauma make me “better” at love?
4. What journaling prompts can help me reflect on love vs. emotional void?
5. Is it okay to take a break from dating to heal?
📣Ready to heal and find real love?
If this piece made your heart ache in a way that felt real, it might be time to talk. I offer personalised, paid consultations to help you navigate emotional clarity, self-love, and energy healing. 💫
👉 Book your session here- You deserve more than just “not being lonely.” You deserve real, reciprocal, radiant love.
🧑💼 Author
Tushar Mangl is a healer, vastu expert, and author of I Will Do It and Ardika. He writes on topics like food,real estate, books, personal finance, mental health, vastu, and the art of living a balanced life. A believer in green living and emotional freedom, Tushar’s mission is to help others heal through clarity, compassion, and conscious choices.
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